The idea of parenting a child who is exploring their gender can be an unfamiliar and challenging terrain for many parents. Many people have never really thought about gender – because they haven’t ever had to - and it can seem confusing for someone to be at odds with their gender. It can seem especially perplexing when it’s a younger child. “How can they feel this way?”, many adults ask. “Someone must have told them to do this.”
Those of us who are not at odds with our gender are called “cisgender”. Many parents are cisgender, while their children are exploring gender. These differing perspectives can get in the way of seeing our children for who they are, and truly understanding what they need to thrive.
As a cisgender person myself, I understand the potential complexities and uncertainties that can arise inside parents when a child expresses their gender exploration. It's important to recognize the perspectives and concerns that parents may bring to this scenario.
Firstly, many parents may find it difficult to fully understand and empathize with their child's gender exploration. This is due to the fact that they have never experienced the internal conflict and questioning that comes with identifying outside of the gender assigned to them at birth. As a result, parents may struggle to grasp the strong emotions that their gender-exploring child is experiencing. It's important that cisgender parents acknowledge this limitation and approach their child's exploration with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
Furthermore, societal norms and expectations around gender may shape the perspectives of cisgender parents. Traditional views on gender roles and identities can influence how parents perceive and respond to their child's exploration. Some may feel a sense of unease or confusion, especially if their own upbringing did not include exposure to diverse gender expressions. This could be your first experience with gender exploration, and it may feel uncomfortable to you. It's essential for parents to recognize and explore any biases or preconceptions they may hold, and to educate themselves about the spectrum of gender identities to provide the best support for their child.
Additionally, fear of judgment and societal stigma can also impact parents. The prospect of navigating a world that may not fully understand or accept their child's gender exploration can be daunting. Concerns about their child facing discrimination or prejudice may lead to protective instincts that could inadvertently hinder open communication and support. Parents may grapple with how to protect their child while also fostering an environment of acceptance and understanding.
It's important for parents to recognize the significance of maintaining a positive and supportive relationship with your gender-exploring child. While you may not fully comprehend the experience of your child, parents can demonstrate love and support by prioritizing your child's emotional well-being and affirming their right to explore and define their own gender identity.
Acknowledging and understanding the perspectives that parents, particularly cisgender parents, bring to your child's gender exploration is vital in the journey toward nurturing a supportive and inclusive environment. By recognizing your own limitations and biases and actively seeking to educate yourself, parents can play an incredibly significant role in fostering understanding, empathy, and unconditional support for their gender-exploring children.